begins as a young girl, like most of yours I am sure. As a teenager I dreamed
of the day my breasts would develop . . . I waited and waited . . . by the time
I was 16 I was still wearing a 34 A! I watched as most of my friends had
already developed and I continued to wait. I felt so ashamed of my body. I
wore padded push up bras to have the look of having boobs to fill out my
clothes. I would stare at other women with envy and think why ME?
37 years of age, and 5 children later I was still waiting! Last year I really
started contemplating getting breast augmentation. It is something I never
dreamed I would have the opportunity to do, number one because I am a big
chicken, number two 2 because of the cost involved.
January of 2007 I started doing a lot of research on line and met with two local
plastic surgeons. The first one I didn't like, my husband went with me and he
didn't care for his personality either, so he was out. We went to the next
one. I really liked him. He was very caring and supportive. On Valentine's
Day I booked my surgery for just two weeks later! I was so excited. But as the
days went by I began getting more and more nervous . . . the weekend before
surgery I began having panic attacks and worrying about dying during surgery and
leaving my husband and my boys behind.
Monday I went in and talked with the doctor. He was very understanding and told
me that we should cancel or postpone surgery that was scheduled for the next
day. He even refunded my entire $500 NON refundable deposit and told me that
when ever I was ready to come back and he would be more than happy to do my
I was so relieved! But then as time went on I was once again obsessed with my
breasts and how unhappy they made me.
to Los Angeles in February of 2008 with my best friend John who was there on
business and while I was there I went to see where Dr. Robert Rey's (Dr. 90210)
office was. I couldn't believe I was standing outside his office; I loved
watching his show and always secretly dreamed of being able to go to Dr. Rey.
My friend convinced me to go inside to see his office; he said that we would
just go in and ask about how much his fees were. I was a nervous wreck, I was
so excited, but what if I saw him??? What would I say when I walked in??? What
if there were a bunch of people in his waiting room??? Finally I worked up the
nerve and walked in . . . no one was in the waiting room, I walked up to the
receptionist and asked about his fees for breast augmentation and his surgery
schedule, his wait was only 2 months and he was only $1500 more than our local
surgeons. And by the way, Dr. Rey wasn't in, he is only in on Tuesday's, every
other day is surgery day for him!
home from California with Dr. Rey and my boobs heavy on my mind. I wanted this
so badly, but yet I was still so scared. What if I backed out again? But if I
didn't try I knew that I would never truly be happy!
friend John came back to me and said that he had another business trip in April
and that he had called Dr. Rey's office and they could do the surgery while he
was there, which for me meant a free week of hotel and rental car! Also it was
an added plus that John could be there to take care of me. I couldn't believe
it, my head was spinning how - how could this possibly be a reality, I had only
dreamed of this! I talked to Mark about it and he said to go for it, he was so
excited for me and told me that he would handle the boys and we would come up
with the money this was a once in a lifetime opportunity for me. I knew I had
to make up my mind quickly because his schedule would fill up quickly . . . I
said yes and we made the appointment. I had about 6 weeks until surgery to get
through. I had to have a mammogram and blood work.
still so scared, more scared than excited. I was so afraid of backing out.
John suggested I look into hypnosis, we found a lady about a 1/2 hour away and I
went and talked to her. I really liked her. I was embarrassed when I told her
why I was there, and this isn't fate I don't know what is, she had had breast
augmentation herself 19 years ago and had never had a problem or had them
replaced! She made me feel so much better, we talked about why I felt the way I
is complicated and I think so much of it goes back to the fact that I had lost
one of my sons, he died from a Group B Strep infection when he was just 2 days
old. This infection should have been so curable with IV antibiotics, yet my
son died. From that moment on my life was forever changed, I was no longer
naive and thought things like this only happened to other people, now I was one
of those other people and if my son died, what was protecting me from losing
another child, my husband or dying myself?
The thought of putting myself
through a dangerous surgery just to have breasts when I had 4 boys at home who
needed me made me feel so selfish and irresponsible. The therapist helped me so
much to see that I deserved this! That I needed to this for me and it would
make me a better wife and mother to do something for myself. I met with her
once a week to keep me on track. I still had doubts and thought about
cancelling from time to time. I only told a couple friends I was doing this,
most wouldn't understand and I was having enough doubts without them putting
more in my mind. So I struggled with this decision so much.
the time was here, we flew out on Tuesday for my consult and surgery was
scheduled for the very next day! As soon as we got to Los Angeles we got
something to eat and went straight to Dr. Rey's office. This time there were
people in the waiting room. My head was spinning as I was so excited to meet
Dr. Rey and also so nervous about surgery. As we sitting in the waiting room
for my appointment their office phone rang, and as I looked up there stood Dr.
Rey answering the phone!
I was called back, I felt like I would pass out as I was so excited. I sat in
the room in my pink gown waiting for Dr. Rey to come in. Soon he knocked on the
door and burst in with a huge smile and hello just like on TV. He immediately
put me at ease being so kind and compassionate. He told me how beautiful I was,
how wonderful I looked for having 5 children and called me pretty baby the
entire time, it was so surreal.
him I came to him for the TUBA procedure and I was thinking that 350 cc could me
a full C hopefully. Dr. Rey told me that I needed to look in the 400 range to
achieve that look. Also he told me that he really suggested silicone over
saline, but it was my choice and he would do whatever type of implant I wanted.
He just said that most women my age were going with silicone and that it was so
safe compared to the older silicone implants that use to be on the market. He
also remarked that these implants could possibly last a lifetime and that unless
you had some sort of trauma you really did not need the MRI's like I had read
about. Now my head was really spinning, he would have to cut my breast for the
silicone, he said that my areola was not large enough to fit a pre-filled
implant through that incision. Dr. Rey told me over and over it was my choice
and gave me extra time to think about it. I talked to all the girls in his
office that had had breast augmentations done by him.
All the office staff
reiterated that they loved their silicone; some had even switched from saline to
silicone. I finally made up my mind and went with 425 cc silicone. I left his
office even more nervous than before, as surgery was in the morning! I had to
run around and get my pain prescriptions and get things for the hotel since I
would be there for a total of 11 days and knew I wouldn't feel like going out
know how I slept that night, jet lag I suppose! The next morning I got up and
showered – and then it was time to head to the surgery center. They took me
back to a room to change and then put me in a bed to wait, they finally let John
come back and I was crying as I was so scared, I kept thinking WHAT am I
doing??? What if something goes wrong??? What if I die??? What if I am
disfigured, all these crazy thoughts just kept going through my mind, until I
heard Dr Rey say good morning pretty baby how are you today? I immediately
stopped crying, he had two boxes in his hand and said that they were my implants
and told me to stand up so that he could draw on me. As he knelt down in front
of me I remember saying, Dr. Rey you smell so good and he said it was something
Brazilian. As he drew on me he said that we are going to make these beautiful
breasts match my nice little ass, I just smiled! He truly made me feel so
special and beautiful!
left to wash up and get ready and they came in to do my IV, he couldn't get it
in my hand, I was too dehydrated so he had to put it in my arm.
had to tell John goodbye and I was crying and part of me wanted to yell no, I
can't do this!
remember walking back to the OR crying and laying on the table. It was so cold
in there, I remember him telling me to count backwards I don't even remember
saying anything I was gone!
remember as soon as I woke up I was sick to my stomach, I started throwing up.
I had taken meds in my IV for the nausea and even used the patch behind my ear
yet I was so sick! I was so groggy I don't even remember if I was in pain or
not. They had me drink something and waited for me to come around and got me
ready to go home. Dr. Rey came in and showed me the pictures they took of me on
the table with my new boobies and told me everything went perfect! I remember
saying I love you Dr. Rey and he said I love you too Melissa!
to the hotel was HELL! I felt every bump and I threw up non stop. I was still
so groggy. Dr. Rey gives very strict instructions every 4 hours you must get up
and walk for 20 minutes and cough like 10 times every hour. So I remember John
waking me up to walk, we walked the outside of the hotel we were staying in. It
was a beautiful hotel with beautiful foliage and flowers. The first few times
I had to take a bucket with me as I threw up. Actually I threw up for 5 days
and then we finally realized the Percocet was making me sick! So Dr. Rey
switched me to Darvocet.
with me from surgery Wednesday until he had to go teach a class Monday thru
Friday, then I was left alone all day in the hotel. After a few days we went
out to eat and to a movie, I slept through the entire movie!
so much harder than I thought it would be, I had read the other girls stories
and they all did so well so quickly. I had had all 5 of my boys with no pain
meds at all! Why was this so hard on me?
every day, then when John had to go to work and I was alone, I cried all day, I
was so lonely, I was in so much pain, I missed my boys and my husband and I kept
thinking why did I do this to myself? Then to top things off I had a blown vein
in my arm from the IV and for over 11 days I couldn't even bend my arm at all!
10th day I went back for my second post op visit before I flew home the next
day. Everything looked good and I was excited to be going home tomorrow! I
knew that just being home with my own things around me and Mark and the boys I
would feel so much better.
flight home was delayed by a couple hours at LAX, I was so tired and it was
freezing in there, I still didn't feel good, I couldn't bend my arm and I just
wanted to go home! Finally we boarded the plane and headed home, the flight
seemed to take forever and with the delay we realized once we got to Chicago we
would miss our connecting flight home, we would have to rent a car once we got
there and drive the 2 1/2 hours home from O'Hare. It was already a long day and
I was totally exhausted. Once we finally landed, we just missed our connecting
flight by a few minutes, now we had to go get a rental car and drive the rest of
the way. Finally that evening we arrived home, Mark had cleaned the entire
house and he and the boys were waiting for me with big hugs! I was so tired and
I didn't feel good and when they hugged me I just broke down crying . . . I was
home finally . . . and seeing all my boys I immediately felt better!
At my 3
week mark I was allowed to wear regular bras, I decided to go have my first
fitting and buy myself a new bra to make myself feel better, I was having dinner
with a couple girlfriends that night for the first time since my surgery. I
went into Victoria's Secret and I asked the manager to do my fitting. I don't
"know" her but I see her in there all the time and we chit chat sometimes. I
told her my story of going to LA and having my boobs done by Dr. 90210 and
showed her my pictures, thinking that surely she would not believe me! She was
so excited for me, she told all the girls who worked there and they all came
back into the dressing room and wanted to see my pictures and hear my story.
For the first time in awhile I really smiled and felt happy about my decision.
After all the excitement I was measured and I was a full C, just what I had
couple weeks we were leaving for a 2 week vacation to Orlando, this would be our
3rd year in a row going to Orlando. We were going to Cocoa Beach, Disney World,
MGM Studios for Star Wars weekends and to Sea World. We were driving and I just
kept thinking surely I will feel better by then, it would be my 5 week mark, but
with each passing day I wasn't feeling better, I was still so sore and
depressed. I cried almost every day; I just couldn't shake this feeling of
the time arrived to go on vacation. The boys were so excited; I just wish that
I was. The drive was so long, 1,800 miles each way. I just kept wondering how
I would ever keep up, when we went to the parks we would be there from opening
to closing and I couldn't disappoint the boys. Even though I didn't feel good I
didn't let that stop me, we went non stop and did everything we did the years
before. Even though inside I was filled with sadness, and I was exhausted and I
was still so sore. Honestly, when vacation was over and it was time to go home
I was relieved.
were pretty much like that for the first 3 months, then at about 3 months things
just turned around for me. I wasn't sad anymore, I felt good, I was ME again .
. . I loved my new boobs and finally after all these months I knew I made the
right choice. I was happy again and I had a new found confidence! I enjoyed
shopping for cute little tops and new bras. After all this time I could finally
say this is the best thing I ever did for myself!
after surgery I had the opportunity to go back to LA. This time I took the boys
with me and we went to Disney Land while we were there and I also was able to go
back to Dr. Rey's office for another post op visit. However, Dr. Rey wasn't
there, I had to see his assistant. But she said everything looked great. We
had a wonderful vacation this time. It was so exciting to take the boys on
their first airplane trip, take them somewhere they had never been before and
see their faces. We did so much in those 4 days; we went to Disney Land,
California Adventure, Downtown Disney, Santa Monica Pier, Knottsberry Farms, and
Seal Beach, Beverly Hills, Hollywood etc. It was non stop trip and I enjoyed it
with the boys so much.
I am now nine months post op.
It has been a long hard journey, but one I am so glad that I made. I
finally feel "complete". I have a self confidence I never knew I could
have. Life is good.
Bailey asked me to share my story I was very hesitant, my story is so different
from most, my recovery was so long and hard and I haven't met anyone who had the
post op depression as badly as I did. I didn't want to scare anyone off with my
story. But then as I thought about it, I thought maybe it would be helpful to
someone who is also scared and worried and unsure, but also wants this so badly,
so it is my hope that in writing this and someone reading this, they will know
that they are not alone and that even though my recovery was long and hard, it
was truly one of the best things I have ever done for myself!